its a new year.
It has to be a good time because the tinsel is all safely packed away.
Its a time to think ahead, a time to plan new ventures.
So what can we do in these grim economic times?
Well it might be a good time to explore places near rather than far............maybe climb into an attic or cut price store and locate a tent, camping used to be fun........why not do it again.
Then there is local day tripping, have you really explored all the local beauty spots?
Local history, look up your own past and that of your community.
If you can still afford the phone bills, start a blog.
Write that novel, do that painting............really start that hobby you always meant to.
Most of all don't let the market forces grind you down. We are worth a lot more than the sum total of our credit.
Rediscover second hand shops, if you ever stopped.
Read books...........learn poems..............write them.
Join a social movement.
Above all don't let the economic depression become your depression..........maybe we had too much, and maybe it wasn't even fulfilling us.
enjoy the nua
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Christmas again
Well love or loathe it, its here again.
Personally I loathe it. However always being a party person i don;t mind everyone being happy and overspending, overeating and overdrinking for a while. Though that while seems to span November to February.
Its a bright light in the middle of winter. How can you hate it?
Well its not about hating it, its all the pressure on parents, families, mostly mothers, and the lonely. Not being a family person is part of my discomfort with it. On the other hand its a good time to meet up with old friends and take drastic action like going to another city just to see them.
Here in Ireland it is a monolith.
Two of my neighbours have already decked their houses out in Blacpool illuminations. Not being a party pooper i have strung some colourerd lights around the inside of my front door. To the outside world I am, game on, part of the buzz. They don't know that that is the sum total of my xmas decor.
I've sent about 15 cards. The rest lie in the kitchen, some of them are three years old now as I can't usually be bothered to sit down and write them. Especially now with e mail and facebook, we are all so much more in contact, cards seem a bit old fashioned.
I have a moody teenager aboard the my ship. She tuts at my half mast attempts and I savour the day when she will have her own place and not want to visit her aging mother and i can happily tackle a canvas sipping a cup of mulled wine and forget its even happening.
so happy x.ms to ye all.
Personally I loathe it. However always being a party person i don;t mind everyone being happy and overspending, overeating and overdrinking for a while. Though that while seems to span November to February.
Its a bright light in the middle of winter. How can you hate it?
Well its not about hating it, its all the pressure on parents, families, mostly mothers, and the lonely. Not being a family person is part of my discomfort with it. On the other hand its a good time to meet up with old friends and take drastic action like going to another city just to see them.
Here in Ireland it is a monolith.
Two of my neighbours have already decked their houses out in Blacpool illuminations. Not being a party pooper i have strung some colourerd lights around the inside of my front door. To the outside world I am, game on, part of the buzz. They don't know that that is the sum total of my xmas decor.
I've sent about 15 cards. The rest lie in the kitchen, some of them are three years old now as I can't usually be bothered to sit down and write them. Especially now with e mail and facebook, we are all so much more in contact, cards seem a bit old fashioned.
I have a moody teenager aboard the my ship. She tuts at my half mast attempts and I savour the day when she will have her own place and not want to visit her aging mother and i can happily tackle a canvas sipping a cup of mulled wine and forget its even happening.
so happy x.ms to ye all.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Its funny how intimidating a social networking site can be for the faint hearted.
Do you spend your time making new friends.........they might be jack the ripper.......or play with your mind.
Then there is the inevitable search for people you haven't talked to in years.......its fun finding them..but what then? Why did you lose touch in the first place? Do you really have anything to say to each other.
Their electronic reality makes you whince...........you might have a lot to say to them.........but then again maybe some things are best left unsaid!
If you are of a certain generation most of the people you invite to join really can't be bothered, why not just keep on e mailing one another? It was heard enough slog mastering e mail without taking on designing sites, updating your infornmation and so on.
The ego is a funny thing....once you have a Facebook page, its impossible not to log on almost daily to see what your tech savvy associates are up to.
Then of course there all those interesting groups you can join...........alternative politics is still alive and well and saturating Facebook.
Once a member you get all kinds of interesting updates on what is going on...albeit hundreds and even thousands of miles away.....so you can't attend.
Then there are those damaged relationships which go as far as remaking friends on Facebook with both parties too shy to make the first move.
Its a social phenomena.........exciting and scarey..............dip in the toe...........maybe some good will come of it.
Do you spend your time making new friends.........they might be jack the ripper.......or play with your mind.
Then there is the inevitable search for people you haven't talked to in years.......its fun finding them..but what then? Why did you lose touch in the first place? Do you really have anything to say to each other.
Their electronic reality makes you whince...........you might have a lot to say to them.........but then again maybe some things are best left unsaid!
If you are of a certain generation most of the people you invite to join really can't be bothered, why not just keep on e mailing one another? It was heard enough slog mastering e mail without taking on designing sites, updating your infornmation and so on.
The ego is a funny thing....once you have a Facebook page, its impossible not to log on almost daily to see what your tech savvy associates are up to.
Then of course there all those interesting groups you can join...........alternative politics is still alive and well and saturating Facebook.
Once a member you get all kinds of interesting updates on what is going on...albeit hundreds and even thousands of miles away.....so you can't attend.
Then there are those damaged relationships which go as far as remaking friends on Facebook with both parties too shy to make the first move.
Its a social phenomena.........exciting and scarey..............dip in the toe...........maybe some good will come of it.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Go Safe and not so Solo Irish Times Travel 11th October 2008
It was with alarm that I read Roisin Sarohan's article 'The World at My Feet' in Go the Irish Times travel magazine on Saturday.
The article was inspiring, it was this that alarmed me.
Roisin, like many other female lone travellers, had a magical journey. I feel sure that young women all over Ireland will be looking to gap years, career breaks or their childless years to replicate such a trip.
Before reaching for an atlas or Lonely Planet guide I would urge them to stop. Think, plan and ensure that you are equipped in every way to take on the rigors of your destination.
What is necessary is detailed research of the areas you intend to visit. Not only the travel industries representations, but the actual newspapers and website news of the current levels of violence, rape and crime in the area.
The internet has made this possible.
It isn't possible to single out one place, though most would agree that a war zone is not a good bet. There are parts of the globe where lawlessness and violent crime are more prevalent. This information is harder to come by.
Governments place caveats on certain areas on their embassy and visa websites. Trip Advisor and other travel websites include actual traveller's experiences. For the most part travellers speak of positive experiences, these sites are less likely to feature negative ones.
Real information can be found on websites of local papers; which is fine if language is not a barrier. Translation is more possible with recent technology.
Local women's networks are a priceless source of information and advice. Communicate with women's organisations in your destination during your planning stage. Contact your own and other government's websites to get general advice on areas to avoid.
It would be wrong for me, or anyone, to say 'don't do it, its dangerous', as the evidence is that many women have successful and fulfilling experiences of travelling alone.
What is missing in the hard sell of the travel industry is the reality check.
My own experience was negative, to the extent that I have stopped travelling completely. My teenage daughter is planning to see as much of the world as possible. I won't say to her 'no, don't go', to do that would be akin to telling her not to get married because of a failed marriage.
What I will be telling her is the truth, its a beautiful world with a dangerous underbelly. That if the worst does happen that help, support and advice on recovery are rarities. That consullar support can be impossible to access and that a protective safety net is a myth.
When you Go Solo you take a risk, a huge risk, the 'world at your feet' can become your own world at your ankles.
I could warn travellers that Belize is a lawless destination where tourists are regularly ambushed at the borders with Guatemala. I could suggest that this is true of some other parts of the world. Yet, who would have thought that a young German traveller would have been murdered on her visit to Newgrange. Would she have found an indication anywhere that Drogheda was a dangerous place?
If I am saying anything useful at all on experiencing the beauty of this world, it is this - there is increased safety in organised travel in groups. There are many organised, team led, travel experiences available. There are also myriad volunteering and development agencies that can facilitate a first hand experience of being abroad.
If you are determined to go out there alone - plan it.
You can always change a plan should safe adventure come your way. Make sure that you know everything about the area before you go. Keep a constant link with home, so that abduction or disappearance is quickly evident. Spend serious money on accommodation, mobile technology, safe transport and planning.
Go out there and have fun - help and advice is just a click away.
Ed.
The article was inspiring, it was this that alarmed me.
Roisin, like many other female lone travellers, had a magical journey. I feel sure that young women all over Ireland will be looking to gap years, career breaks or their childless years to replicate such a trip.
Before reaching for an atlas or Lonely Planet guide I would urge them to stop. Think, plan and ensure that you are equipped in every way to take on the rigors of your destination.
What is necessary is detailed research of the areas you intend to visit. Not only the travel industries representations, but the actual newspapers and website news of the current levels of violence, rape and crime in the area.
The internet has made this possible.
It isn't possible to single out one place, though most would agree that a war zone is not a good bet. There are parts of the globe where lawlessness and violent crime are more prevalent. This information is harder to come by.
Governments place caveats on certain areas on their embassy and visa websites. Trip Advisor and other travel websites include actual traveller's experiences. For the most part travellers speak of positive experiences, these sites are less likely to feature negative ones.
Real information can be found on websites of local papers; which is fine if language is not a barrier. Translation is more possible with recent technology.
Local women's networks are a priceless source of information and advice. Communicate with women's organisations in your destination during your planning stage. Contact your own and other government's websites to get general advice on areas to avoid.
It would be wrong for me, or anyone, to say 'don't do it, its dangerous', as the evidence is that many women have successful and fulfilling experiences of travelling alone.
What is missing in the hard sell of the travel industry is the reality check.
My own experience was negative, to the extent that I have stopped travelling completely. My teenage daughter is planning to see as much of the world as possible. I won't say to her 'no, don't go', to do that would be akin to telling her not to get married because of a failed marriage.
What I will be telling her is the truth, its a beautiful world with a dangerous underbelly. That if the worst does happen that help, support and advice on recovery are rarities. That consullar support can be impossible to access and that a protective safety net is a myth.
When you Go Solo you take a risk, a huge risk, the 'world at your feet' can become your own world at your ankles.
I could warn travellers that Belize is a lawless destination where tourists are regularly ambushed at the borders with Guatemala. I could suggest that this is true of some other parts of the world. Yet, who would have thought that a young German traveller would have been murdered on her visit to Newgrange. Would she have found an indication anywhere that Drogheda was a dangerous place?
If I am saying anything useful at all on experiencing the beauty of this world, it is this - there is increased safety in organised travel in groups. There are many organised, team led, travel experiences available. There are also myriad volunteering and development agencies that can facilitate a first hand experience of being abroad.
If you are determined to go out there alone - plan it.
You can always change a plan should safe adventure come your way. Make sure that you know everything about the area before you go. Keep a constant link with home, so that abduction or disappearance is quickly evident. Spend serious money on accommodation, mobile technology, safe transport and planning.
Go out there and have fun - help and advice is just a click away.
Ed.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Domestic Violence and Children
What many women do not recognise is the effects of domestic violence on the children in the family. Even where the woman has tried to ensure that the children are not aware of the levels of violence or disharmony in her marital or co-habiting relationship, the children are affected.
Children will respond to domestic violence in different ways. Some children will be quiet, clingy or withdrawn, others will react by emulating the behaviour, becoming aggressive and loud, bullying and being disruptive.
Where children have been protected from the violence they will find it difficult to come to terms with their mother's need to escape from the situation. Women are caught between a rock and a hard place, they don't want to turn their children against their fathers, nor want them to develop a negative identification with their other parent.
Children need an explanation of what is happening, this needs to be age and ability appropriate. Firstly they need to understand that it is wrong to use violence, aggression, threats or bullying to get what you want. It is wrong to hit people. That their father was wrong to hit or abuse their mother. Not that he is a bad person but that his behaviour was wrong.
Most importantly, when the mother is to continue to be the primary carer, they need to understand that it is not their mother's fault that their father was violent. They need to know that their mother and other carers consider them to be important.
When a woman moves out of a violent relationship the whole family network may change, often there are financial and accommodation problems, this may also entail changing school, moving away from the familiar. Children will resent some of these changes, however if they fully understand what is going on, are fully involved in the changes it will be easier for them to accept.
While it is important to explain to children what is happening it is not necessarily good for children to hear all the details of the abuse. Its important to for the woman to talk through these details in a safe environment out of ear shot of the children.
Some children will have been directly involved in the abuse, witnessing it or intervening in it. In some cases the children will have been manipulated into participating in the abuse, and believing that their mother deserves to be treated badly. They may see the physical damage, bruising or broken limbs. They may overhear the sounds of the violence being perpetrated. Living in an atmosphere of violence, tension and fear will undoubtedly damage children. Children's sense of helplessness will be heightened if they see the person they depend on for protection being beaten and humiliated.
It is crucial to recognise their feelings, whether it be fear, upset, anger, disgust, anxiety, disappointment, loss, lonliness etc etc. Let them know that other children in the same situation feel the same. That it is OK to be scared, upset, angry, get them to name their feelings, to own them and to express them. They will act out their feelings, but with adequate reassurance, with acceptance and encouragement they will renew their resilience.
It will take patience as the children unlearn the behaviours of a violent, bullying or aggressive home life.......... but they will and they will move on to a peaceful and co-operative lifestyle if they are given the opportunity to express themselves and heal.
Children will respond to domestic violence in different ways. Some children will be quiet, clingy or withdrawn, others will react by emulating the behaviour, becoming aggressive and loud, bullying and being disruptive.
Where children have been protected from the violence they will find it difficult to come to terms with their mother's need to escape from the situation. Women are caught between a rock and a hard place, they don't want to turn their children against their fathers, nor want them to develop a negative identification with their other parent.
Children need an explanation of what is happening, this needs to be age and ability appropriate. Firstly they need to understand that it is wrong to use violence, aggression, threats or bullying to get what you want. It is wrong to hit people. That their father was wrong to hit or abuse their mother. Not that he is a bad person but that his behaviour was wrong.
Most importantly, when the mother is to continue to be the primary carer, they need to understand that it is not their mother's fault that their father was violent. They need to know that their mother and other carers consider them to be important.
When a woman moves out of a violent relationship the whole family network may change, often there are financial and accommodation problems, this may also entail changing school, moving away from the familiar. Children will resent some of these changes, however if they fully understand what is going on, are fully involved in the changes it will be easier for them to accept.
While it is important to explain to children what is happening it is not necessarily good for children to hear all the details of the abuse. Its important to for the woman to talk through these details in a safe environment out of ear shot of the children.
Some children will have been directly involved in the abuse, witnessing it or intervening in it. In some cases the children will have been manipulated into participating in the abuse, and believing that their mother deserves to be treated badly. They may see the physical damage, bruising or broken limbs. They may overhear the sounds of the violence being perpetrated. Living in an atmosphere of violence, tension and fear will undoubtedly damage children. Children's sense of helplessness will be heightened if they see the person they depend on for protection being beaten and humiliated.
It is crucial to recognise their feelings, whether it be fear, upset, anger, disgust, anxiety, disappointment, loss, lonliness etc etc. Let them know that other children in the same situation feel the same. That it is OK to be scared, upset, angry, get them to name their feelings, to own them and to express them. They will act out their feelings, but with adequate reassurance, with acceptance and encouragement they will renew their resilience.
It will take patience as the children unlearn the behaviours of a violent, bullying or aggressive home life.......... but they will and they will move on to a peaceful and co-operative lifestyle if they are given the opportunity to express themselves and heal.
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